All I Want To Do

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6 Responses

  1. I never before realized how scary it is to say, “Let it be done to me as you, Angel of God, have said.” Scary for Mary, too, no doubt.. but perhaps especially so for those of us who are long-marrieds and have already raised children–we know this new acquiescence will be a total laying down of our life, when we thought we already had done so!

  2. Ah, you are making me wonder now, about surrender versus fiat. I haven’t wondered about that before.

  3. To say I have trouble surrendering to the unknown is an understatement akin to saying that I am not entirely fond of winter. Back when I wanted to light one candle rather than curse the darkness, my spirit willed a fiat, but I knew that the candle would have to involve the flesh –and my flesh is not merely weak, it is very much against surrender. Surviving was my game, and to survive, one must choose one’s surrenders very carefully–with caveats galore. I stood on the sidewalk outside the parish hall where the adult religious ed meeting was about to start, arguing with myself, because there were no caveats I could claim. Either I go in, or I don’t. I came to the door 4 times, and turned around again. “How ludicrous! This isn’t me. I don’t belong here.” Indeed, one would’ve thought a 5th pregnancy awaited me in there. (In a way, it did.) And this consecration might be a 6th pregnancy, and if so, it’ll do me in –as I’ve known me. The one thing that made me go through the doors that night, was thinking that this surrender to an unknown but very possible good transformation.. might indirectly help His others, ultimately.

    So, I’m on the sidewalk, consoling myself with a “Maybe.” As I say, tho’, whatever isn’t a “No!” can be worked with. I’m scared.

  4. By the way, don’t anyone, most of all G, waste any effort or love in speaking to that fear–only time, learning, and my own chosen baby steps helps such as me. I’m just sayin’ I’m scared, is all.

    But before you posted these updates, G, yesterday I’d been reading of Fatima at a link from the Theotokos site, and didn’t realize that the consecration of Russia was Jesus’ wish for us to honor Mary’s Immaculate Heart, and it’s through that consecration that a doing away with atheism (the heart of communism) was to bring great peace to the world.

    As I say, baby steps.. but it changed my fear to know it was Jesus’ own desire. And since then, I’ve thought of all the troubled people in my life, and how little I’ve helped them, how little I can help anyone.. If I receive a heart more like Mary’s, with her graces working in it, maybe I can truly help bring blessings.

  5. I’m right there with you, Carol, on the learning curve, I mean. We’ll all just take it one step at a time, but I think you’re in for a few surprises. Pleasant surprises, from a most humble and gentle Woman. And Her Spouse. And Her Son.

  6. I think so, too..

    Maybe it’s the mild melty weather, maybe it’s the quiet of the house to myself for nearly 4 days, maybe it’s son’s, daughter’s, cousin’s and friends’ emails, too..heck, maybe it’s the new coffee, lol, I dunno, but it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this happy.

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